WHO LOVES YOU BABY?

Women are always falling in love. There’s that new pair of Manolo strappy sandals, then there’s your new top, and your new suit, the new laptop and don’t forget the latest Britney single. Or the new curtains, the new flat, the flowers for the garden or whatever else you find yourself falling head over heels for. And the guy at the bar, the hottie you saw on the street, the mailman, your best friend’s boyfriend, even your husband or partner...

When we’re not in love, it seems we’re always looking for it. Dressing ourselves up and dancing the night away, chatting to the cute guy in the supermarket checkout line, or the new bloke at work.

Think about it. How much time and money have you spent looking for the person to love, the perfect partner? We spent an average of 12 hours a week looking for love. And when we don’t find it, some of us blame the girl in the mirror.

But our reflection is something we should love above all other things. Who else is always there for us? The old adage is true, my friends: you can’t find love until you love yourself. As winter approaches and we prepare to snuggle up in front of the fire, here are a few reasons why you should stop looking for love and love what you’ve got:

1. You always agree with yourself. OK, you may have minor disagreements, but in the end you always end up on the same idea;

2. Whatever your height, guys want you. If you’re short, you’re little and cuddly and need protecting; if you’re tall you are/have been/could be a model;

3. We don’t really need protecting. But it is fun to let them think we are and have them fuss over us. But when it matters, we can hold our own with the best of them, and stand up for ourselves;

4. We can have it all. A high-powered career job, a good social life and a loving home to come home to at the end of the day. We can have children and a great job, or we can stay at home and be a house mum, work from home, or work for ourselves. OK, men can do this as well, but how many house dads do you know?

If you don’t love yourself, it’s time you did ladies. Men love confidence more than anything else. If you think changing something about yourself will help, then go for it. Never let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t change if it makes you feel better. Just don’t go to any extremes. No shooting ex-partners, no major surgery without thinking it through, and please, no radical diets. If you must lose weight, do it responsibly. Short term fixes are only short term, hence the name. Join a gym, cut out the biscuits or chocolates or your particular weakness and munch fruit and sunflower seeds.

My best advice to find confidence is a really tacky way, but it helps me a lot. When you’re feeling great about yourself, write a list of everything you love about you. Don’t include anything about your partner or your wardrobe as these things change and this list is going to last you a lifetime. Don’t cross anything off ever, no matter how stupid it seems at times, but keep adding to it every time you feel like a goddess, or even just plain good about yourself. Keep this list near you at all time (I keep mine in my purse) and look at it every time you feel down. The more you look at it, the more you’ll believe what you’ve written and soon these encouraging truths will be engraved on your brain. In time, you’ll no longer need your list, but keep it just in case you have a really bad day and just need a bit of a pick-me-up.

The first thing on my list is my favourite. It says, “I was brave enough pick up this pen, and if I can do this, I can do anything. If I can make it to ten things, I’ll find ten more. And when I’ve done that, I’ll write the rest of them down, because if I can do this, I can do anything.” And every time I look at my list and see that, I don’t really need to read the rest. Because it’s true. If I can find so many things I love about myself, then I can do anything. Including finding a man. No matter how long it takes me, I know I’ll find someone who is worthy of me, and the rest I can chalk up to experience.

Thanks to my list, I love myself. Because I love myself, I’m so much more confident, and have a great time all the time. Which is so much more important than having a man. For some reason, since I’m not looking, they come to me for a dance, a drink, a dinner, a good night kiss. Either that, or it’s my new lipgloss…

Article by Sarah Davies